happy 4 months {birthday} James

you are 4 months today darling
four months since you came along
less than three months since we said goodbye

each month we remember your birthday,
it hurts a lot.

we live our life as if you are just beside us.
each day.

i trust that it was best this way.
you are better off with Jesus.

this should comfort us.
until the time comes when
our family can be together.

missing out

news of death will aways surprise you
even if you already see it coming.
and death is a subject that i never want to talk about.
when you learn of a person just your age dying,
be it due to sickness or an accident,
it will make you realize on the things you are missing out on.

ever since James died, i've lost interest in a lot of things.
i go about doing what is necessary.
not worried about those i cannot manage to finish.
thinking that there will always be tomorrow.
plenty of tomorrows.

today, i cried in the shower.
not even able to identify my own tears.
i worry about life.
i worry about death.
i worry about today.
and tomorrow.

that i have forgetten to relish on what i have. now.
you will never be able to change what has been planned for you.
death is our ultimate destination.
and you have the choice to enjoy journey.

- april 22, 2010 -